Update on my dad

Sunday I decided to forego the Superbowl party I had been invited to because I wanted to watch it with my dad. He has continued to rapidly go downhill. It started a couple years ago with prostate cancer and then the cancer spread to his lymph nodes, bones, lungs, and now (I suspect) to his brain. The reason my cousin and her husband came in several days ago was to see him once more before he left us. He decided to treat the cancer alternatively. I'm not sure what my final opinion of that will be. The clinic he went to was in Seattle, and to my knowledge the doctor has not checked up on him. My dad was taking about 20 different supplements and on a very strict diet. The past several months Cindy and I have noticed him becoming less sharp. He started cheating on his diet around late November and into December. It was about that time that he took a big turn for the worse. I have kept after him to see someone locally so that they can keep tabs on his progress. I let up a little in January because he told me he had an appointment February 6th with the doctor who treated his lungs. He has not left the house for several weeks because of his back pain, so I had volunteered to come over and take him to the doctor on the 6th.

When Cindy and I went over to my parents' place to watch the Superbowl I asked him what time his appointment was so that I'd know when to show up. He had forgotten about it and simply said he couldn't go. I told him I'd order an ambulance ride. He said that would be too expensive. I said I was confident the insurance would pay for it and would cover it myself if they did not. He refused. We went "several rounds" on it and I finally let up. He soon fell asleep due to being so weak. After the game I brought it up again and said I could rent a wheelchair which would cost much less than an ambulance ride. He refused that as well. I left very frustrated.

It is my opinion that he knows he is dying and he wants to go at home where he is comfortable. This may be selfish, but I am looking at things in terms of how I will deal with it when he does go. If I just let him wither away at home, will I feel tremendous guilt for not intervening and forcing him to get treatment? If I worked it out for him to go to the doctor (who would definitely hospitalize him) and he died at the hospital, would I feel guilty for not allowing him to go at home? I am quite certain that he is beyond the point where conventional medicine could help. If he had not crossed that point, I probably would have worked it out for him to be hospitalized, but I didn't. The thought of being hit with the reality of his condition and being amongst strangers and an unfamiliar bed may be scaring my dad, so I let him miss the appointment. Thus far, his appointment has not been rescheduled. I hope I did the right thing. I have these nagging thoughts that maybe he thinks he is doing okay and does not realize how bad he is. If that's the case, maybe seeing a doctor and getting a dose of reality would be good. The doctor could order whatever treatment is necessary. I just don't know what's going on in his head. Any thoughts or suggestions? Anyone been in this situation before? It's all new to me, so I'd very much appreciate your prayers and any insight you may have.