Resistance

I'm not sure how good of an analogy this is, but I'll give it a shot. It seems to me that finding and fulfilling God's will for one's life is like one of those mazes built of shrubs that people walk through. Sometimes you might think you made the right turn and then you find yourself at a dead end. So many of us come to those spots, breathe a big sigh, and sit down for a rest. That rest goes from days to months to years...and then the game is over. Sitting is more comfortable than searching. Most people I know (locally) are sitting. They have made a picnic out of it, complete with all the accessories. I refuse to sit. I have escaped death five times and consider each day to be a gift. Life is just too precious to waste away in our own little worlds.

I have found two things to be true concerning the pursuit of God's will: First, God is a merciful God and what's important to Him is that we keep seeking. Fine tuning our spirits to His voice is a learning process, and we will make mistakes. The key is not sitting down and giving up. Secondly, I believe the enemy has a "high-level" view of the maze and our progress in it. When he sees us make a good choice and move closer to solving the puzzle, he will send resistance. I have been dealing with major resistance for the past several weeks, so to me, that's a good sign that I'm on the right track. My wife and I are doing well, so it isn't really a marital thing, but it does affect both of us and our son. For now, I won't blog about it because it will amplify the situation in my head. I would greatly appreciate your prayer support.

Baby #2 On the Way!

That's right, our little Aidan will soon be a big brother!! We found out very early on (May 19th) but I just hadn't posted the good news yet. Cindy's due date is January 24th. God is good!!!

This news certainly made us tread carefully with regard to the new business and all. Cindy's parents were watching Aidan on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons so she could work part time. It was a much needed break for her. However, with the pregnancy fatigue and nausea, it was wearing her down. Despite the fact that I had inside info that my layoff was approaching, we decided it was best for Cindy to quit her job and use the two afternoons a week to rest. We knew that July would come and, potentially, neither of us would be making money. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I could get another job, working for someone else, in a heartbeat, so this is not a huge concern. In fact, I had a job offered to me, but I believe in the long run starting my own business is the better route.

In my previous post when I mentioned, "Where God leads you, He will sustain you." My first Fathers' Day was a shocker - in a good way. Some time ago (before she knew of my layoff or of the baby on the way) my mother decided to distribute some of the money my dad left to her to us kids. She gave me a Fathers' Day card with a note telling me she was giving me a monetary gift - and it happened to be about what I made in a year. How could she have known how much that meant to us? God obviously had a hand in this, and Cindy and I took it as His way of saying, "I've got your back, I will sustain you." He is the most amazingly wonderful God! Actually, we chose not to take the lump sum because we preferred to accept a portion of it as a personal gift (within the limit of personal gifts under which no taxes have to be paid). We now have a buffer of savings from which we can draw if we need to, but my intention is not to have to touch it at all for living expenses. God is good!

Aidan at 10 months (June 4)

Moving Closer - Part 3

Part 3 is long overdue - thanks to those of you who have kindly reminded me. To recap from part two:

"Jumping back to October... After seeking God for answers I feel I came out with clear direction for my secular job as well as my passion to help people. I have mentioned previously in this blog that I have considered the possibility of being a pastor. At this particular time, I do not feel a leading to do that. Besides the witness in my own spirit, I also know my wife is not comfortable with that...It will take time for her (as well as myself) to be comfortable with the fact that God works through earthen (human and therefore flawed) vessels and that where He leads you, He will sustain you."

For a little over a year I have toyed with the idea of starting my own technology consulting business. Last October it became stronger in my spirit. I read several financial and business oriented books and felt even more comfortable with going in that direction. Last March I incorporated my business as a limited liability company and began working on strategy, website content, and so forth. At the end of June I was laid off from my job and it was a welcome separation. As I mentioned in Part 2, the company severely lacked in integrity. They received a $100,000 bonus from a client because of the work I did for them, but rather than share a little piece of that with me, they laid me off because there wasn't something else lined up for me. I am glad to be gone, that's for sure. They also charged the client 4x as much as they paid me. So, in my mind, why not go into business for myself, charge two or three times as much as my former salary, make much more because my overhead is low, and secure business because my bids will cost the client less? Everything has now been set up and my new company has been launched. I have joined local Chambers of Commerce and am contacting people I know to help me land my first client(s). It's a big move, but I believe God is in it.

From a ministry outlet standpoint, while I do not feel led to fill any kind of pastor role at this point, I do feel a leading to form a non-profit 501c3 organization and seek speaking engagements. My goal is to run my business in such a way that it can function without me. In other words, if I hire people to do the work and concentrate on seeking out new business, it will not hurt if I take a day or two off here and there to travel and speak at friends' churches. I have contacted an attorney and have received all the paperwork, but I am stuck on a name for the organization and have struggled with choosing members of the board. This is a big move as well, but I believe God is in it.

Erin W was the very first person I met in blog land back in November 2005. She is an inspiration and a good friend. She has recently taken major steps in her life which she described with the following:

I'm Standing in a River
I'm standing in a river.
Standing in a river, and the water's getting higher.
Calves cramp as my toes
curl around rocks on the river bed.
Curl to hang on.
Curl to hold my place.
To keep me upright.
To keep me in the centre of the river.
Takes so much energy to stay where I am...

Someday soon I'm gonna let go.
Uncurl my toes.
Resist hanging on.
Resist holding my place.
Resist staying upright.
Resist the need to stand in the centre of the river.

Someday soon I'm gonna take that energy
and swim.

Like Erin, I have let go and am now swimming. :)