Moving Closer - Part 2
Shortly after his birth, our son developed colic and my wife and I were sleep deprived for several weeks. I know enough not to make life-altering decisions when I'm mentally and physically exhausted, so things were put on the shelf so to speak. Last October I took the initiative to spend some time fasting, praying and seeking God for wisdom concerning the next steps.
Let's backtrack for a moment: In Jan 2006 I was laid off from my job and found another a couple weeks later. Three weeks or so into that job we all were informed that the company was being sold. I stayed until the end and was out of work again in late May. I got another job in mid-June but did not start until early July. A couple weeks into that job (the one I still have) there was a department meeting and our manager said, "Yeah, I just want to address the rumors that the company was being sold. There was a sale in the works, but it is not happening anymore. The owner is entertaining other offers but he is absolutely going to make sure something is right for everyone." I thought, "You have GOT to be KIDDING me!!!" I am doing my best to provide stability for my wife and family, but this is crazy!" I have stuck with the job despite being lied to repeatedly about salary increases, descriptions of work, and so forth. The company has terrible integrity at all levels, but I have toughed it out. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, the thought keeps coming to me that maybe God is giving me a hint, but I also don't want to be swayed by circumstances.
Jumping back to October... After seeking God for answers I feel I came out with clear direction for my secular job as well as my passion to help people. I have mentioned previously in this blog that I have considered the possibility of being a pastor. At this particular time, I do not feel a leading to do that. Besides the witness in my own spirit, I also know my wife is not comfortable with that. I think there are three reasons for that: 1), she knows I am not perfect and thinks that our pastor is, 2), she does not feel spiritual enough to be a pastor's wife and to fill what others may expect from that position, and 3), she has concerns over the financial aspect of ministry. In my opinion, all those are completely legit concerns. It will take time for her (as well as myself) to be comfortable with the fact that God works through earthen (human and therefore flawed) vessels and that where He leads you, He will sustain you.
So what direction to go? Moving Closer - Part 3 is coming soon...